Love me Hate me But don't ever leave me
by jin0uga
Summary: Ren never wished to be different. He was always content. He was comfortable in his own skin. So when he stared at his reflection, willing his eyes to turn blue, or imagined a mop of messy blonde hair on his head…he hated himself. He didn't want Pyrrha to look at Jaune Arc. He wanted her to look at Lie Ren. One shot.


**_Love me_**

* * *

Many people thought that Ren was always calm. No matter what happened, he would be calm and poised. Back straight and face neutral. But Nora knew better. Under that calm exterior, there would be a million thoughts running through his head at a million miles per hour. His eyes would give it away. It was as smooth as the surface of an undisturbed river when he was calm, but it would be as rough as the angry sea when he wasn't.

It was the benefit of growing up with someone, Y'know?

As she fiddled with her scroll, she watched as her childhood friend performed maintenance on his weapon, StormFlower. Nora always marvelled at the way moved when he sharpened the blades. Graceful yet deadly. It was the complete opposite of how she cleaned Magnhild. Usually, she just cleaned the barrel with a compressed spray, and started working on making her special heart shaped ammo rather than clean up the rest of the weapon.

But Ren, Ren treated his weapons like they were part of his soul. The way he gently swept through each nook and cranny, checking for any bits of dirt or debris that could potentially jam up the gun. The way he switched the blades when it got chipped, or sharpened them when they were dull. It was really intense, but in a good way Nora decided.

He was pretty calm now. Going through his usual routine. Wiping down stormflower like there was no tomorrow. Nora pouted. They were going to be here all day and she was already _bored_. Man, where was Ruby when you needed her?

"I'm bored Ren." She whined and threw her pillow to get his attention. He caught it with one hand, dropping the cloth so quickly that she almost missed it. He rolled his eyes good naturedly and threw it back. She avoided it and rolled to the other end of the bed, cackling with glee.

"Let's have a pillow fight!"

"Or…you could clean Magnhild." He suggested.

"Boriiiing!" She laughed and began bouncing on her bed. The legs shook under each jump and Nora smiled gleefully, doing a backflip. Ren's panicked voice brought her out of her acrobatics.

"Nora! Be careful!"

But of course she ignored him and continued jumping. She put more strength into each jump and did more backflips and cannonballs. His fear for her wore off quickly then, and he shook his head in exasperation. Now occupied, Nora laughed and continued bouncing. The bed was really springy and she went higher and higher and–

 _CRACK_

The legs gave out from beneath the bed. Nora face planted into the pillow and quickly got off the bed when she stopped bouncing wildly. Ren looked as shocked as she did, and didn't move a muscle until she grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him.

"I think it's broken!" Nora gasped. Before they could decide what to do next (Nora suggested to hide the evidence) Pyrrha and Jaune walked into the room. They had been talking animatedly, but paused when they saw Nora shaking her partner like some sort of madwoman. The blonde looked confused and shifted his gaze from the bed to Nora, and then, to Ren. He saw that the legs was broken.

And promptly, came to the worst possible assumption.

"OH MY GOD DID YOU TWO–?"

"NO!" Nora screamed right back at him. "I did it! It was all my fault…I just used a bit of my weight you know? I didn't think it would be that bad hehe."

Jaune choked on his spit and turned a shade of red that was as dark as Ruby's cloak.

Ren didn't know how two people could be talking about two different things at the same time. He wanted to say something, he already had his hands full from trying to prevent Nora from using Magnhild to flip over the bed and check the damages. Thankfully, Pyrrha stepped in before the situation spun out of control. She was red in the face too, but for an entirely different reason. Nora noted that she looked like she was about to burst out laughing at any second.

"Nora. What happened?" She asked.

"Weeeeell I was bored so I decided to go jumping!" The hyperactive girl declared proudly. Ren sighed loudly and made her sit down before she got the urge to bounce again. One broken bed was more than enough.

"I see. That is unfortunate." Pyrrha mused, walking over to check the bed. "I don't think that Beacon can replace this on such short notice either."

"Aw! I'm sorry for breaking your bed, Jaune."

The boy started at his name and looked more confused than ever. "Huh? That was my bed?! My comics are under there!"

Ren and Nora watched in amusement as he ran over to the broken bed and tried to lift the mattress though to no avail. After a few minutes of huffing and puffing and generally trying not to look in their general direction, Pyrrha finally moved to help him, grimacing in embarrassment when she lifted the mattress as if it was nothing but air. Nora knew that her friend was much more self-conscious around their team leader due to how strong she was, compared to him.

Nora giggled at the sight of her two teammates clumsily pawing through the sheets in search of Jaune's comic books. She wondered why the boy even hid them there in the first place! Personally, she preferred hiding her stuff in a place where no one but Zwei could find it. Turning to Ren with a huge grin, she went still when she saw him.

Or more specifically, his eyes.

She could see it. The storm. It roared silently, a mass of writhing thoughts he never said aloud. She watched in confusion as numerous emotions flitted across his magenta orbs and surprisingly enough, identified… _jealousy_? What in the world was happening?! Nora stared at him gobsmacked.

Ren was never jealous. Never _never_. Even when she destroyed him in their spars and stole some of his pancakes. He never reacted like _this_. It was a completely unfounded emotion, and she didn't know why she was staring at that direction which such a scary look in his eyes–

Nora followed his line of sight.

And saw Pyrrha and Jaune. Laughing happily when they finally managed to fish out several of their leader's precious comics. Her blonde friend had an arm on Pyrrha's shoulder, most likely an unconscious gesture as he tried to thank her. Pyrrha blushed darkly, her eyes occasionally shifting towards his face, and then back to the floor. She stuttered out some kind of response that couldn't be heard under Jaune's boyish chuckle.

Nora turned back to look at Ren.

If looks could kill, their leader would have died many times over.

It hit her then. Her eyes widened.

 _Oh…_

 _OH!_

* * *

 ** _Hate me_**

* * *

On hindsight, Ren wasn't so sure that this was a good idea. He stared blankly at the three combined beds. Nora, the force of nature she was, suggested that they have combine all their beds like what people did at 'sleepovers'. Pyrrha had been sceptical about the whole thing but once Jaune had expressed an interest in it, Ren knew that despite whatever he thought, there would be a sleepover. Even if Nora had to tie him to the beds.

But it wasn't the sleepover he was against. It was the part about the females and males _sharing_ one bed. Granted, there were three beds, but the single beds had very little space to begin with. It was bound to be cramped or at least, the team would be squished against one another at some point through the night.

He quietly changed into his pyjamas in the bathroom and grabbed his tooth brush. He was the last to get ready, and all that was keeping him from the 'sleepover' was the fact that he wasn't out. At least, not yet. Sighing, he squirted a blob of toothpaste from the thinning tube and held it to his mouth. He looked up and stared.

His reflection stared back.

Long, black hair splayed across his shoulders. It was tied into a manageable ponytail like always, and there was a striking pink strip running down his neatly combed fringe. He brushed it gently.

Ren never wished to be different. He was always content. He was comfortable in his own skin. There was nothing he would trade for the world, not his mother's eyes, not his father's distinctly night coloured hair, and definitely not his family's trademark pink stripe.

So when he stared at his reflection, willing his eyes to turn blue, or imagined a mop of messy blonde hair on his head…he hated himself.

There was nothing wrong with being Lie Ren.

But, he wanted to be Jaune Arc.

He…he wanted to be given nightly sparring lessons under the moonlight. He wanted emerald green eyes to watch his every move with affectionate glances. Everything. He wanted _her_ to put her hand on his and comfort him after losing a spar. He wanted her smile to be directed at **him**. Not Jaune. Not Jaune Arc.

He wanted Pyrrha to look at Lie Ren.

"Hey slowpoke!" Nora's chipper voice pulled his head from the dark clouds. "Are you done yeeeet?" She whined, her fist practically making dents on the bathroom door. Ren smiled. Why couldn't he had fallen for someone like Nora instead? Not that it would've been any easier, no. Just…less painful.

"I'll be right out!" He called and heard her bang the door one last time before skipping away. He didn't exactly see her skip, but it was just a natural thing to assume at this point. Turning his gaze back to his reflection, he sighed and lowered his eyes. There was no point in wishing for the impossible. No matter how _badly_ he wished to be his team leader, there wasn't a star in the sky who would grant such a selfish thought.

"Sorry for taking so long." He greeted them as he walked out. Nora waved brightly before going back to the game of uno she was currently playing against Jaune. He greeted the blonde with a nod of his head, and would've glared if Pyrrha had not suddenly stood up from her spot on her bed. Ren fought to keep his eyes on her face. There was no point in letting his eyes trail over her devilishly sensual form, the way the loose shirt rested on her body like a second skin or how beautiful her hips were as she walked towards him and reached out–

Her finger brushed against the corner of his mouth.

At the exact same time, Ren's brain stuttered to a halt and proceeded to have a meltdown that only Nora could see. From her spot on the bed, the hammer wielder had to bite her lip to prevent her glee from escaping. Ren looked like he would have melted into Pyrrha's hand if she didn't open her mouth to say "There was some left over toothpaste Ren." The girl teased, her eyes twinkling merrily.

Ren felt chest tighten with happiness and a mix of annoyance.

 _Don't do that._

 _Don't touch me like that._

 _Don't touch me like how you want to touch_ _ **him**_ _._

Pyrrha must have seen something in his eyes because she pulled back like she had been burnt. "I-I'm sorry…" She stammered. "I didn't think that my touch would make you uncomfortable–"

"N-No!" He blurted out, surprising them both. "I was just surprised. Don't worry about it." He smiled his usual calm smile and searched around for a tissue. As he scoped their dorm room, Pyrrha sighed in relief and chuckled, sending tingles down his spine. And for once, it was directed at him. It didn't make him feel better though. "Oh! That's great." She said honestly, "I was afraid that you were angry."

"Nope he isn't!" Nora cut in. "Ren's as cool as a cucumber, Pyrhha! You could probably molest him and he would still be totally alright." She said and hid her chuckle.

"Nora!" Ren yelped. She was acting really weird tonight…

Pyrrha couldn't resist laughing at that and shot him a playful grin. "Oh he would, would he?"

"Well…" He felt his face heat up and needed to distract himself before she _realized,_ "I wouldn't go that far." Trying to keep his heart steady, he shrugged and handed her the tissue. Grin melting into a thankful smile, she reached for it and accidentally brushed her hands against his. Ren did turn awfully red at that but luckily, Pyrrha was too busy cleaning the toothpaste off her fingers to look at him.

As always.

"I win!'" Jaune shouted with childish glee as he slammed the last of his cards onto the stack. He folded his arms confidently and let out a booming laugh. "Jaune Arc never loses at cards!" He boasted while Nora gaped.

"Hey you cheated! You're supposed to call out Uno when you have one card left!"

"Oh-h right! Er I forgot, haha…" He sighed and cradled his head in his hands.

"So I win by default! Take that Jauney boy!"

While Nora continued to cackle at his amateurish mistake, Ren continued silently observing Pyrrha. She had long wiped the traces of toothpaste from her finger and was watching the two warring students with warmth. He didn't miss how her eyes lingered on Jaune, and forced himself to look away. _Why do you always look at him like that?_ His mind spat bitterly. _Why don't you ever–_

"–look at me."

He didn't realize that he had said it until Pyrrha turned to stare at him in confusion. Eyes widening just a fraction, Ren managed to catch himself before everything he worked to hide came _bursting_ out even though he didn't want it to, and he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if it did.

"Something the matter?" He asked her, trying to make himself look as confused as she did. He didn't want to lie to her, but the kind of emotions he harboured in his chest would never be accepted into hers. Rather than try to do the impossible, it was simply better to leave it, until he found a way to snuff them out.

"O-Oh!" Pyrrha blushed when she realised that she'd been staring at him. But that was only because she thought he'd said something, so why did his heart have to flip like that? She wasn't looking at him for the sake of it. She didn't _look_ at Lie Ren like that. Not now not _ever_. "No, I thought I heard something." She said sheepishly. "It must've been the wind."

"Hey! C'mon you two." Jaune called.

They turned to see Nora and him in bed, cards cleared away and both snuggling under the covers. Ren's face soured at the thought of her and Jaune snuggling under the same blanket, pressed against one another and then–

"Come on Pyrrha!" Nora waved her friend over and proudly presented an empty spot. On the side facing the wall. Well. Ren promised himself to buy his best friend a large bag of sweets when this whole bed debacle was over because honestly, the girl could be freaking _genius_ at times. Ren realized that if she was doing this…whatever it was, it meant that she knew.

She _knew_.

But he couldn't bring himself to be worried. Because after all, she was Nora. She was gentler than people gave her credit for, and her penchant for excessive damage of property or humans was never really out of malice.

Silently, he slid into the spot beside Jaune, ignoring the way his fingers twitched to reach for stormflower. The combined beds were comfortable enough, and they managed to adjust themselves so that everyone in the bed at least enough space between each other. Nora gave him a wink, and he opened his mouth to thank her when she suddenly leaped off the bed.

"I call dibs on the lights!"

"You don't need to call dibs on that Nora." Jaune grinned at her weird enthusiasm.

"Too bad!" She flipped the switch, the room plunging into darkness. Ren relaxed slightly. He had thought that Nora was going to do something potentially headache inducing…and felt his prayers being answered when she skipped over to Pyrrha and grinned wolfishly.

"Pyrrha." She sing-songed. "You're gonna have to _move in_!"

The Amazonian complied, shifting her weight and gently rolled herself across the bed to face…him. Ren gaped as Nora giggled evilly and jumped into the spot which Pyrrha had previously occupied.

That sly devil.

* * *

 ** _But don't ever leave me_**

* * *

Ren never fell asleep. He wagered that it was around two in the morning, from the position of the glowing moon. He could hear Jaune snoring, the back of his onesie brushing against his shirt occasionally. He suggested that the boy get rid of that ugly thing and he almost did. Until Pyrrha said it looked cute on him. Jaune wore it religiously now, and Nora would sing the onesie song whenever he put it on.

Sighing lowly, Ren turned his head slightly and immediately regretted it. Pyrrha had removed her headgear, and her long lustrous hair gleamed under the faint light of the moon, framing the sharp contours of her face. Her chest rose and fell like it was moving to some unheard symphony, and she would breathe out a little too loudly for his liking. Blushing darkly at his thoughts, he tried to force himself to turn away. But there was little hope for him.

Her scent of pine needles and spice was strong enough to keep his body tense. He wasn't used to being in such close proximity of her and would probably never will. Ren twisted and turned for the better part of the night. His gaze always shifted back to her, and he had to physically turn his head away to keep from looking at her. He'd tried to face Jaune's back several times, but his leader's snores were so loud that it could've kept him up all night, with or without Pyrrha's help. Then again, Ren supposed that one sleepless night was a good exchange from keeping the two apart. For now anyway.

Trying to drift off to sleep again, Ren felt his exhaustion finally creep up to him. Even her scent wasn't enough to keep him awake now. Yawning gently, his head sank deeper into the pillow, and felt his eyelids flutter shut. The darkness swept over him like a long lost friend, and Ren was about to let his conscious mind melt away when Pyrrha suddenly groaned.

His eyes flew open.

"O-Oh…" She whimpered breathily. Ren felt his face grow warm at the sound. To his horror and partial delight, she fidgeted in a way that made his body react pleasantly. Pyrrha groaned again, this time huskier and lower than her usual voice, and he fought to reach out and brush the stray strands of hair blocking her beautiful face.

Ren was about to turn away and bury his ears with Jaune's snores, when he heard her gasp again.

"Oh…h-harder Jaune…"

She whimpered again and this time her hand brushed against the collar of his shirt, lightly touching the flushed and hot skin there. But Ren couldn't find it in himself to react. He'd heard it. Jaune's name. His fucking name. The name that was the last thing Ren wanted to hear from Pyrrha's lips–! Gritting his teeth when a bolt of anger and sorrow flashed through him, he sank his nails into his own arm, trying to forget and just wanting to go to sleep before he _lost_ it–

"Kiss me…" Pyrrha's hand brushed against his thigh, and he jerked up, getting angrier because even though she was touching him, all she kept saying was 'Jaune' and he wanted to scream that it wasn't him! He was _Lie Ren_ , and he couldn't _be_ anybody else but Lie Ren!

And then she pushed herself forward, her face just inches away from his…Ren lost it. He leaned in, and kissed her.

It was everything he'd dreamed of. She tasted wonderful, and he kissed her with every emotion he had, spilling everything he had ever thought about her into the kiss. She responded in kind, but Ren knew that she wasn't kissing him. She was kissing someone else. Even when they were this close, all she could think of was that stupid blonde boy who couldn't even trust his team to let them help him. Even when her fingers combed through black locks, all Pyrrha thought of was Jaune. It shattered him, but he still wanted to be loved by her even if she wasn't completely aware of it. She deepened the kiss and dragged her hands down his back, leaving burning trails of fire under her touch. Her hands chased away the darkness lingering under his skin. Ren felt his eyes prickle as they continued to kiss, but he didn't move his hands from their position at her waist.

He groaned at her desperate touch, how strong her grip felt as she bucked her hips against him, mewling so lowly that it made his throb throat with pain. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and he did the same, and he saw stars behind his closed eyes, his chest so full of his love for her that he couldn't hold it back, his heart bursting at the seams. And then she broke the kiss, but her hands moved from his back to his chest, sliding over his shirt and running over his arms as she whimpered softly against his chest.

His mind was fuzzy, but he could feel his body react to her touch, twitching at every light brush across his biceps or stomach. Ren didn't bother to wipe the tears which slid from his cheek, just concentrating on _loving_ her and letting her know that she was _loved_ , because he would never be able to touch her like this every again–

He bit down a moan when her deft fingers played with the band of his pants, and he was drawn deeper into her touch when she nuzzled his neck and licked the small patch of skin there. Ren knew at that moment, that he would've done anything for her. _Anything_. All she needed to do was keep loving him like this and he would always be hers, for now and forever. Even if the world ended and they all died, Ren could only think of her her _her_ , and his heart belonged to Pyrrha Nikos alone.

Pyrrha kissed him again and this time, more fiercely than before. Panting heavily, he gasped against her mouth as her fingers began to trail up his thigh, and his mind was blank except that it was not, because his thoughts were filled with her and only her. She broke the kiss again and Ren pulled back enough to see her green irises half opened, as if drunk on sleep and pleasure.

"Jaune…" She breathed again, her breath hitching when he leaned forward to shut her up because he didn't want to hear that name _ever_ again– "I love you."

Ren couldn't stop himself this time. He drew his hand back and _slapped_ her. He could feel the hot, stinging tears that couldn't stop pouring from his eyes and the pain blossoming in his hand from where he hit her.

Pyrrha panted heavily, now awake, and stared at him. She looked so confused, and then her eyes widened in realization that she had been touching Lie Ren and not Jaune Arc, and the truth made him wish he'd died on the day of the initiation because **he** would always be **him** and she would never love him the way she did Jaune. He crumpled under her gaze, sobbing quietly.

"…look at me." His voice shook horribly but he didn't care anymore because now she knew. And it was all over.

"Look at me!" He begged. And when Pyrrha's eyes flashed with pity and regret; Ren didn't need to wait for her next words.

Stumbling out of bed, he threw the door open and ran.

And he never bothered to look behind him. Because he knew that she would never follow.

* * *

 **AN:** Whelp. Wanted to try this out since there are zero fics of this pairing. I am not kidding, I couldn't even find the ship name for it. Let me know what you think! And thanks for reading!


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